I recently fell for a guy – HARD. We dated consistently for 6 months. Things were going great. I was crazy about him. He liked me. I liked him. We had a lot in common – from our values, to our interests, to our work interests.
I experienced new feelings with this guy. I missed him when I didn’t see him. (It was weird!) I wanted to jump on him when I saw him. The attraction and chemistry was amazing. The sex was amazing.
Then “Nick” became more distant. He stopped sending me “good morning” texts. He stopped planning dates. He stopped being affectionate and attentive. Nick had decided to end things with me. I felt rejected, and it hurt – a lot. We weren’t officially dating, so it was even harder to get over him.
How Do You Get Over a Guy You Never Really Dated?
How do you get over a guy you didn’t even date? There’s no breakup that happens, so there’s no “end” to the relationship.
Unlike most guys, Nick didn’t ghost me. He still responded to my texts, but he stopped asking me out. When I asked him out for an afternoon hike or to grab dinner, he politely declined.
How do you get over a guy? Try these 5 steps below.
Breakup Tip: It takes time to get over a guy. Be patient and give yourself time. Time heals all wounds.
5 Steps to Get Over a Guy Who’s Just Not Into You
1. Throw Yourself into Other Activities to Distract Yourself from a Guy
After “Nick” ended things with me, I followed my mom’s advice. I threw myself into new activities. If I had plans each night of the week, it was easier for me to resist texting Nick.
Here’s how I kept myself busy each night of the week.
- Monday – Tennis 101. I found a beginner tennis class and signed up. After tennis, I would go shopping at HomeGoods or meet up with a friend for a drink.
- Tuesday – Team tennis. I’m on an ALTA team in Atlanta. Practice went from 7-8:30pm on Tuesdays, and then we went out for food and drinks afterwards.
- Wednesday – Beltline walk or date night. I reserved Wednesdays for going on a long Beltline walk with a girlfriend, or for going on a date with a guy from Bumble or Hinge.
- Thursday – Swing dance. I found a great swing dance group called Wicked Westie in Atlanta. Everyone is super friendly, and there’s nothing like a man asking you to dance to boost your ego after a breakup.
- Friday – Out with girlfriends. I made plans to go out every Friday night, even if I was tired. If you want something more low-key on Friday nights, make dinner plans or find a Friday night activity. Many museums or art galleries have events Friday nights.
- Saturday – Coffee with a friend. I made sure my weekends were packed. I’d make plans to get coffee with a girlfriend, and then make plans for going out at night.
- Sunday – Explore a new hobby. I found Sunday nights to be the hardest. Most people stay in Sunday night, so I really wanted to text Nick when I was alone and craving company. So I picked up a new hobby. I started blogging and learning how to edit photos on my iPhone.
2. Date Other Guys to Get Over a Guy You Dated
This piece of advice is pretty straight forward. Date other guys to get over a guy who doesn’t like you. But one caveat here: Make sure you go on dates with quality men who will treat you right.
I recently went on a date with a gentleman who was super sweet and called me after our first date. I remember thinking, “How sweet! This guy is giving me the attention I deserve. Nick never called me…”
When you date quality, respectful men, you will be reminded that you deserve to be treated well. You will be reminded that you can find a guy that likes you.
Think about it.
- Do you really want to date a guy that isn’t into you?
- Do you want to be the one in a relationship who is chasing after a guy?
Hell no. So find a guy who will put in the time and effort to go after you.
3. Write Down the Negative Traits of the Guy Who Ended Things with You
No one is perfect. Everyone has faults. When dating, it’s important to keep an open mind, and to not “write off” guys too quickly. It’s important to focus on what you don’t want, versus what you want in a man (see step 3 in this dating article).
But, when it comes to getting over a guy – write down what you didn’t like about him! It will make you feel better. Here’s an example of the list I made for Nick.
- He didn’t call me beautiful.
- He is self-centered.
- He talked about his work and personal problems versus asking me about my day.
- He probably took his ex for granted, and that’s why she ended things with him.
- He stopped making me feel cherished.
- He blew me off.
- My guy friends treat me better than Nick.
- My guy friends give me more attention.
- He wasn’t polite to his mother on the phone.
- He is in his 40s and will probably get erectile dysfunction in the next 5 years.
To get over a guy, emphasize his negative qualities. It helps.
Tip from a Girlfriend: If you need to, add a screensaver to your phone with an affirmation. It could be related to why you deserve better, or why it’s best that things ended between the two of you. Here are some ideas:
- He doesn’t love me.
- He didn’t support me in my accomplishments at work.
- He is emotionally unavailable.
4: Learn From the Experience to Date Better Men in the Future
My dad used to say, “Christina – take it as a learning experience.” Bad things happen in life. Learn from experiences!
I wrote down the positive things that came out of “dating” Nick. I learned a lot about myself and want I want in a long-term partner. Now, I’ll be better equipped the next time I encounter a man that catches my attention.
Here’s what I learned from dating Nick.
- I want kids of my own. It’s a deal breaker for me if a guy doesn’t want to have kids with me. Next time around, if I meet a guy who already has kids, I’ll ask him upfront if he is open to more kids. If the answer is “no,” I’m not going to date him or hang out with him. It’s too painful.
- I love Italian guys. Nick was Italian. So were two serious ex-boyfriends. My first boyfriend in college was Italian too. Everyone has a type, and I just happen to have a thing for Italian men. I can’t help it!
- I’d love to date an active guy. One quality that I loved about Nick was that he was into tennis, hiking, and running. I’ve never exercised with a guy before, and I love it! I’d love to marry a man who is active like me so that we can do activities together.
- I’m attracted to successful men. Money isn’t everything in life, but there’s something about a business entrepreneur that is super-hot to me. Both of my ex-boyfriends had their own side hustle going on too. Everyone is attracted to different qualities in a man, and I’m into creative, entrepreneurial men.
- I’m capable of falling for a guy. Hard. I’ve never felt such intense chemistry and attraction for a guy as I felt for Nick. It was crazy! All he had to do was walk into my apartment, and I wanted to jump on him and take his clothes off. I learned that I’m capable of intense love and attraction, which was an entirely new experience for me.
5: Found Out Why It Ended With the Guy
When a man ghosts you or slowly fades, it can be very frustrating. You may ask yourself these questions:
- Why didn’t he like me?
- What did I do wrong?
- What’s wrong with me?
Don’t’ stress yourself out. Most likely, the reason he ended things has very little to do with you.
If you can, ask the guy why he ended things with you. It will help you get closure and move on.
For Nick, it came down to the fact that he doesn’t want to give me what I want long-term. He is older than me (10 years), and has three kids of his own. He doesn’t want more kids, and he knows that I want to have kids.
Nick is actually a pretty sweet, loving guy. He knows what I want long term. So he started to fade to force me to move on. He felt that it was unfair to me if I am spending time with him, versus focusing my time and energy on finding someone who wants to start a family with me.
How Did You Get Over a Guy?
I’d love to hear from you. What tips and tricks have you used to get over a guy? Post in the comments below.