Are you exhausted from online dating apps like Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder?
Are you experiencing dating app fatigue and dating burnout?
I get it. I have many friends who regularly join and then delete dating apps because online dating can get so frustrating!!
Below are simple tricks to prevent and avoid online dating frustration.
Jump ahead to:
10 Tricks to Avoid Dating Burnout and Dating App Fatigue
1. Don’t Take It Personally
- You may match with someone and then the conversation fizzles and dies.
- You may match with someone, talk for weeks, and then never go on a date.
- You may click with someone, have two awesome dates, and then get ghosted.
It happens. For better or worse, ghosting has become socially acceptable – especially with online dating.
But don’t take it personally! It has nothing to do with you.
Here’s why you shouldn’t take rejection from dating apps (and people!) personally:
- Some people on dating apps are actually in relationships, and are “testing out the waters.”
- Some people on dating apps aren’t actually looking for dates or a relationship. They just want a one night stand.
- Some people think they want to date, but then decide that work is a bigger priority.
- Some people want a boyfriend or girlfriend, but don’t want to put in the effort for a relationship.
- Some people recently went through a divorce or a breakup and are just looking for a rebound.
2. Choose Dates You Enjoy!
If you go on dates that you enjoy (regardless of whether you have chemistry with the other person or not), you’ll have a great time!
- Do you love cappuccino in the morning? Propose Saturday coffee dates.
- Love brunch? Ask your online date to get brunch on Sunday.
- Enjoy being active? Ask your date for a walk in the park.
- Like tennis? Grab your racquet and hit some tennis balls.
- Have a favorite patio bar with the best martinis? Ask your date to meet you there for drinks.
When you choose a date that involves an activity or location that you love, you’ll have a good time.
3. Expect Less on a First Date
Too many people expect instant chemistry on a first date.
But guess what? Most happily married couples didn't experience chemistry right away. It’s rare!
Don’t expect your first date with someone to be amazing. They are a stranger!
Think about your best friend today. Did you think, "Wow! This person is amazing. We are going to be best friends!" when you first met them? Probably not.
Give dating a new person time. If you had fun on the first date, go on a second (and a third!) date to get to know a person before you write them off.
Not all dates need to lead to romance. Even if you aren’t romantically interested in someone, they could still make a great friend, a solid work connection, or a romantic match for one of your friends.
Everyone CAN be interesting. Everyone, even the most boring of people, has a good travel adventure or hobby you can learn about. (Bird watching? Sure! Why not ask questions and learn something new!).
4. Schedule the Damn Date! Don’t Wait!
Tired of messaging back and forth with your online dating match?
Sick of endless conversations that go nowhere?
Guys: Ask the girl out after 2-3 days of texting.
Girls: If the guy doesn’t ask you out, let him know that you aren’t the biggest fan of messaging back and forth. Ask him if he’d like to meet up.
If you want to date and meet someone in person, you need to ask them out! Don’t wait.
Messaging back and forth on dating apps gets boring.
Dating Tip for Guys
Girls need a time and a place for a date. Girls hate it when a guy says, “let’s do something Saturday afternoon.”
Instead, try saying, “Does 7pm at Barelona Bar work for you on Thursday night?”
Dating Advice for Ladies
Speak up! If a guy says, “let’s do something tomorrow” and you want to know when – ask him!
Say, “I like to plan things, and I’ll make other plans if I don’t have a time and a place. What time should we meet tomorrow, and where?” (Hint: It’s okay to suggest a bar that YOU like. Most guys don’t care!)
5. Avoid Bad Dates
You can learn a lot about someone from their online dating app profile pictures.
- Look at the person’s smile. Do they seem genuine?
- Look at their body posture. Do they seem full of themselves?
- Look at their dating profile description. Did they actually put time into it? (If not – they might not be serious about dating!)
You can weed out a lot of bad dates by looking at someone’s body language, smile, posture, and clothing.
Trick to Avoid Painfully Boring Dates
If you match with someone and they text you multiple questions, especially the dreaded “How is your day?” question, respond with a text that says, “It was good! I suck at texting. Let me call you in 10 minutes!”
Then, call them! If a 5 minute phone conversation is painful, then an in-person date will probably be the same. Just don’t go on the date!
6. Learn from Each Date
Each date gets you closer and closer to meeting the right person for YOU.
Take each date as a learning experience.
- Did you go on a date with an introvert, and find out that you HATE introverts?
- Did you go on a date with someone super active, and discover that you don’t want to date someone who wakes up at 8am on Saturdays to go on a run?
- Did you go on a few dates with someone wealthy, and then realize that it’s more important for you to be with someone who can spend quality time with you versus take you out to expensive dinners?
Write in a journal what you liked and didn’t like about each date.
You’ll see patterns and trends, and can learn from it.
7. Make Dating a Game!
You will have a bad date…or two…or 10 in your life. It happens.
But why take it so seriously?
Make dating a game.
Before you meet your date, think about what you know about the person.
- Do you expect them to show up in flip-flops or dress shoes?
- Do you think they’ll be an only child or have siblings?
- Do you think they were raised in the South or on the West Coast?
Come up with hypotheses, and then find out how right (or wrong!) you are. It makes dating more fun and helps you learn if your intuition is good…or way, way off.
8. Be Pickier and Go on Fewer Dates
It’s good to be broad in your search in the beginning.
Go ahead and ask girls on dates (or accept dates!) from your online dating matches.
But as you go on more and more dates, you’ll hone in on what you want (and don’t want) in a long term partner. (See tip #6.)
As you refine what you are looking for, it’s okay to take your foot off the accelerator. Go on fewer takes. Cut down from one date a week to one date every three weeks.
9. Spend Time with Your Friends
There’s no need to jam-pack your calendar with dates. Focus on quality, not quantity.
Prioritize your time. Keep Saturday nights sacred to go out and party with friends. Or reserve every Sunday for bottomless mimosas and brunch with your best friends.
10. Take a Break from Dating
And of course…take a break if you need it!
There’s no harm in taking a week off or two…or even three from dating.
Who knows – you might actually meet someone in person!
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Christina Marie of Dating Snippets (offering dating tips to men and dating advice to women)