Dating can suck. A lot. Especially if you have feelings for someone and they dump you. Or break up with you. Or ghost you. Whatever the terminology, it sucks.
But what happens when your ex-boyfriend starts to date one of your best friends?
What if your crush starts dating your best friend?
What do you do?
Unfortunately, in these situations there really isn’t anything you can do. All you can do is try to move on and avoid situations where you will see your ex or your crush with your friend.
I wanted to write this article to let you know that you are not alone if this happens to you. It has happened to me four times in my life, and it has sucked each time. MAJORLY.
At the end of the article, I have some tips that I’ve used to get over it.
When Your Ex or Crush is Dating Your Best Friend
First Time a Crush Dated My Best Friend: In High School with My Debate Partner Crush
I had the biggest crush on “Seth” in high school. We were speech and debate partners, which meant that we spent hours together on the weekend. We flirted frequently and we both did cross-country. I had the biggest crush on Seth, and I was just waiting for the day when he would ask me out.
One day I jokingly told my very close friend, Laura, “Hey! You should date Charles.”
She said, “I’m actually dating someone. I’m dating Seth.” Ouch.
I spent the remainder of junior and senior year watching Seth and Laura make out during lunch. To make matters worse, she joined debate and took away my speech and debate partner. Double whammy. Talk about heart-break.
Second Time: In College with My Lunch and Running Buddy Crush
The second time happened freshman year of college. “Daniel” lived in my dorm and I was so, so attracted to him. We were in biology class together and sat next to each other at lunch three times a week. We also ran together 3-4 times a week.
Then, one day I found out that he had started to date “Samantha” on my hall. Samantha was one of my best friends. For an entire year, I watched him walk into her dorm room each night to spend the night. Talk about jealousy.
Third Time an Ex Dated a Friend: After College
I broke up with “Steve” in college, and went out for drinks with my best friend “Sara” and “Alexis” that week. When Steve and I were thinking about getting together again, I had this gut feeling that he was talking to someone else.
I snooped in his Facebook (don’t judge) and found out that he had been messaging Alexis for over a month, and that they had slept together. I never got over that. It completely ruined my ability to see Steve the same way. Talk about your ex dating a best friend!
Fourth Time: When My Ex Dated the Only Other Single Blonde on My Tennis Team
“Aaron” and I dated for five months (or maybe in hindsight, I should re-define “dating”), and then he suddenly disappeared. It was so weird.
I continued to see Aaron in tennis, and noticed that he and his tennis partner “Julia” were talking to each other after games.
Certainly, Aaron would stay away from Julia, right? Julia was married, and she was my closet friend on the tennis team!
Plus, he wouldn’t date the only other single blonde on our team, right? I mean…that’s pretty risky.
Later, I found out that Julia had JUST gotten a divorce, and that she and Aaron were sleeping together.
Ouch. Aaron had replaced me with another girl on our tennis team.
What to Do When Your Ex or Crush Dates Your Best Friend
So this leads me to the conclusion of the article – what do you do? Unfortunately, there’s really nothing that you CAN do. People can date whoever they want. It sucks. A lot.
I cried. I got jealous. I got raving mad. But the thing that sucks the most? I felt completely helpless. There was no “action” I could take to make the hurt go away or fix the problem.
The best thing you can do is distance yourself from seeing your ex or crush whenever possible, and to throw yourself into new activities.
Wishing you the best in this heart-breaking time,
Christina Marie from Dating Snippets (offering dating advice to men and sharing personal dating experiences with women and men)